


Rodney McKay PhD

by Captain_Loki



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, Euphemisms, Gen, Humor, Rumors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-13
Updated: 2012-03-13
Packaged: 2017-11-01 22:07:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/361801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Loki/pseuds/Captain_Loki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Atlantis's rumor mill is churning and McKay is in the center</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rodney McKay PhD

McKay wiggled his fingers, his hands poised above his loaded tray, wondering what to delight in first. He stared down longingly at his (lemon-free) chicken and decided to go straight for the good stuff. Bypassing most of his meal entirely his hands clasped on the little plastic cup, it was cold beneath his fingers as he raised it delicately into the air. He picked up the spoon on the napkin beside his tray and scooped off the whipped cream, wiping it on the edge of his tray. He never really had a taste for the stuff.

He plunged his spoon into the depths of the jell-o, its blue little cubes jiggling around inside the plastic. He smiled as he took a bite, letting it wriggle down his throat all the way into his stomach. He finished off the tasty dessert in record time, practically inhaling it. McKay set his spoon down and picked up his fork and knife, he was just about to dive into the delicious meal in front of him when he heard snickering behind him.

McKay wasn’t an overly… _overly_ …paranoid person. Perhaps it was partly due to his _somewhat_ arrogant nature that he believed everyone was talking about him, but McKay had found over the years that…they usually were. So when he heard the poorly stifled laughter somewhere behind him, he couldn’t help thinking… _what did I do?_

McKay snuck a glance behind him, and sure enough two tables over were the rest of his team, and one smirking Major Lorne. McKay scowled. Teyla had the decency to look a little sheepish, sending a sorry little nod in his direction, he thought she saw her hit Colonel Sheppard as he turned around back to his slightly less satisfying meal. 

McKay thought they were perhaps sharing stories, he knew he wasn’t the most… _experienced_ in the field, and okay he might have run away screaming on occasion, but hello…aliens hell bent on sucking out his youth. He liked it right where it was thank you very much. And so maybe he talked a lot, and liked other people knowing how much he knew. What’s so wrong with that? But none of this was really new…so what the hell were they all smirking at him for? 

A fluke, McKay thought. But he began noticing others sharing in the same strange behavior.

A timid lab tech turned beet red when McKay was slightly less homicidal at her. 

A less timid medical officer _volunteered_ to take McKay off Keller’s over swamped hands, and McKay was almost positive he heard the word ‘physical’ uttered. And did she look disappointed by Keller’s eye roll? 

Then worst of all, he was standing innocently in the mess, just getting a cup of truly needed coffee when Zelenka came up next to him and…and he…he… _winked_. McKay was afraid some toxin had found its way into the Atlantean food supply because what in the hell was going on with these people?

“Doctor McKay, I’ve been learning some massage techniques, I know how hard you work and all, and if you have the time I really need…a…test subject,” a petite red head accosted him that afternoon. She had yellow bands on her uniform.

“Oh..really…well I’ve got…and with the…I see,” McKay stuttered as she reached for his arm, her small hands clasping around his bicep. She leaned in.

“Maybe we could watch a movie after…something with a…. _happy ending_ ,” McKay balked and ran—retreated, strategically.

“What is with everyone today!” Rodney shouted, finally cracking. The scientists in the lab stopped and stared. 

“Powerful technologies aren’t going to discover themselves!” Rodney shouted, and they all got back to work. He stalked out of his lab, his back hunched tensed and angry. He made his way to Sheppard’s office where he found the Colonel and Major slouching in their seats talking. John nodded, trying and failing to suppress his stupid little smirk on his smarmy smarmy face as McKay approached. Rodney stared disdainfully down at them, wanting to rub something foul in Sheppard’s messy hair, and maybe…maybe ruffle up the edge of Lorne’s collar, snap a few buttons off the golden boy’s stupid shirt. McKay huffed.

“Spill.” John looked up at him innocently, shrugging his shoulders, swiveling a little from side to side in his chair.

“Don’t know what you’re talkin’ ‘bout McKay,” he said, his voice cracking in that way that would sound ridiculous on anyone other than Sheppard who just made it sound tell-tale and _charming_ and McKay huffed again. 

“Has everyone gone completely insane?” He asked, folding his arms over his chest, jutting out his chin in his own tell-tale ‘you will do what I say because I am smarter than you’ way which no one found charming and everyone mostly ignored.

John was no exception. 

Lorne was smirking, looking at John and then back at  Rodney. 

“Aww c’mon, the man’s suffered all day,” Lorne said with a grin. 

“Yes. Yes I have…listen to the man,” Rodney said, gesturing to Lorne. John swivels 360o looking as though he was considering it. He and Lorne shared a look and then they were laughing again, at him. And that is just so, _so,_

“elementary school!” McKay shouted. “It’s all ‘I know something you don’t know’ all over again. Well guess what! I am well aware that girls have hoo hoos and boy have winkies!” McKay said, cracking somewhere less in his voice in more in his mental stability. It only proved to make the two laugh harder. And no one should be able to laugh that hard, McKay thought, flushing. John was clutching his stomach, his legs twisting, like he was trying not to wet himself. 

“Oh fine. Just fine. Well screw you very much!” He shouted.

“Wait…”more snorting as John tried waving him back into the room, “c’m back!” John gasped for breath, Evan falling over the mahogany desk and clutching at his side. 

“What is it?” McKay demanded, not even having the energy to jut his chin out, instead looking slightly deflated standing poised in the door way.

“It’s just that…we uh…we heard something,” John said, regaining his composure, Lorne exhaled long and hard in front of him. 

“Oh yea? What’s that?” McKay said, wracking his brain for what it could be. 

“Well…it seems that uh…Katie Brown…was _enlightening_ some of the botanists about…you’re uh…” John gestured vaguely at him, grinning. “That you’ve got a—“

“That I’ve got a _what_? Exactly?” McKay said, stepping back, confused and concerned.

“A…PHD,” John said, and he and Lorne exchanged a look for breaking into another round of giggling.

“…a PhD?” McKay said, baffled. “Everyone knows I have a PhD!” 

“Well they do now,” Lorne said and they started guffawing.

“Wait…what the hell are you talking about?” McKay said, scowling.

“It’s an acronym,” John said cryptically. 

“An acronym?” McKay asked.

“It’s when the letters m—“ John started with a smirk.

“I know what it means you plebian!” McKay growled. 

“C’mon genius put two and two together,” John said grinning. He and Lorne stared at McKay, watching the cogs working in the scientist’s head. McKay stared down at them in disbelief, trying to figure out what the hell they had been collectively smoking because—

“Wait.” McKay said, thinking back to that day, the attention, the _winking_ , god the _winking_ , and the PHD and the…

“Oh my god,” McKay said, flushing. John and Lorne started laughing. “I…will you…she was… _private information_ …in _every sense of the word_ and the…what…” McKay stuttered, flushing under the soldiers’ gazes.    

“So McKay, you’ve got a Pretty Huge—“

“No!” McKay floundered. John and Evan cackled, Evan’s hands coming together in a loud clap.

“Bummer,” John said, looking slightly disappointed, he winked when McKay stared at him in shock. 

“You’re…making…all of you…and the….I do…my…” McKay stared wildly around the room. 

John rose to his feet, Evan following after him. 

“Oh Rodney, we always just assumed you were overcompensating,” he said with a sigh, throwing an arm around McKay’s shoulder and patting him on the chest.

“Well…now you know,” McKay said, chin jutting. 

“Do I?” John grinned, and this time, McKay winked. 


End file.
